If you’ve never experienced drop before it’s a bitch.
Scratch that. It’s a PMSing nightmare of a bitch. It’s like Her level of a bitch ha.
But alas drop whether it be sub or dom drop it’s still part of the package. And oh what a heavy package it can be. Recently, Master and I attended a very big kink event in our area and it was our first together as we were very excited. We had a blast and were able to push our boundaries a little more as well as indulge in our dynamic that much more. Our bond grew. Knowing he had the other end of the leash was even more fulfilling than I had ever imagined. To see him break out of his shell and become more confident and comfortable was even MORE rewarding than all the flogging I was able to enjoy. My pain tolerance has increased; We discovered that a few times although I am learning that cat-o-nine is a devilish little item. Now after the event we both experienced a very strong drop, and Master himself even said that for the first time he didn’t want to leave and go home. Me, being me, I stuffed that drop without even knowing it. Subconsciously I’ve never been one to let myself feel things because I was taught it was a sign of weakness from a very early age. submissive like me I believe feel much stronger and deeper than we realize sometimes. Because I stuffed it, I ended up creating a very toxic situation with Master to the point where I became disobedient, rude, argumentative just a plain asshole to the point where we were shouting at each other. I’m not sure how he managed to do so but he basically stopped the shouting and became his domly self and yanked me over his knee, yanked off my pants and gave me the beating of my life. I know that sounds bad for those who aren’t apart of this lifestyle but I am so grateful he had the strength to give me what apparently I really needed without even knowing it.
I don’t allow myself to break; And by “break” I mean cry or feel certain emotions as I said above I was taught it’s a sign of weakness. The only “break” I wanted to feel is during a scene in breaking my limits and PUSHING me to do so. What Master did was what is commonly called in the community “Therapy Spankings”, and doing what he did he pushed me to break and in doing so allowed me to feel all the emotions i’ve subconsciously been stuffing for who knows how long. I cried hysterically. I mean I really sobbed my heart out until there was no more tears left in either of us. Once it was all done and over with, he dressed me, kissed me softly on the forehead and held me tightly in his arms and lap. No words needed to be said between either of us, the touching of our bodies said it all. Plus we had cookies and milk in bed which is a win all in itself lol 🙂
People don’t see what types of emotions we endure in this lifestyle. Whether you’re top or bottom, Dom, sub, little, slave, Master, whatever… you literally give your all and everything into it and it’s so much exchange on every level. So many only see the sexual aspect thanks to 50 Shades. Do you think the “almighty” Christian would have given whats-her-nuts a therapy beating because he knew she needed it? Doubt it.
There’s much more to learn and be willing to learn. I know now that because of the events that have occurred in the last few weeks I am finding myself more and more to allow my Master to see those ugly sides of me that he never saw before and to allow him into my darkness so that he can help me heal myself.