I accidentally let it slip while at work last night when I was asked if I was married. I replied, “No, but my Owner-” and then corrected myself and stumbled a response than in my awkwardness seemed to scare them away.
Oops. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have made this mistake a time or two. However, this morning I began to think as I looked over the marks of ownership my Master left me from last night. So I ask of you reading this:
What does it mean to be owned or own another to you?
For me, personally, It means exactly as it sounds. Like you’d own a car or an animal. You must take care of it, nurture it, use it as you’d like in however you’d like, maintain its’ wellbeing, and of course when you’re with it; it’ll shine as you take such pride in it. Granted, human beings are different from that of a car, but the idea is the same. If you own another you must understand that said individual is allowing another person to come into their life and allow another soul to take control of it.
Let me repeat that.
If you own another you must understand that said individual is allowing another person to come into their life and allow another soul to take control of it.
I cannot stress how fucking TERRIFYING it is to truly submit to another and i’m almost certain Master feels the same way. Think about it. You are allowing someone else to take control of not just you physically, but your mind and heart. The decisions you’d have no issues, doing your own, are no longer yours to make. Meaning, if they do it in a way that you wouldn’t normally do, well too bad! It’s the rules now. (Now of course the limitations vary in each dynamic but this is just a perspective based on my own personal experience.) The fear of getting it all very wrong is very real and can cause such turmoil in each other. However, it all comes down to trust. It’s all about knowing that the other person has the power to destroy you and everything you believe in, yet giving them the chance not to. Mistakes will happen so that is why so it’s so essential not to rush into this!!! Sub/Dom frenzy will be the death of a deep and meaningful D/s. There’s so much power exchange between each other. Granted again this is purely from my own experiences as a submissive, I’m hopeful Master could tell his side.
Many feel that D/s is a chance to fulfill the emptiness they have inside from a lack of whatever in their lives. Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. You must be able to not only take care of yourself, but also be confident in yourself and happy with yourself. If you’re unable to do either how are you even possible to do that for another?!
“Ownership of another human being is both an honor and a responsibility. The honor is to be entrusted with another’s life by someone who, giving informed consent, makes an adult decision to allow their well-being to be in the care of another. The responsibility is living up to that trust, and making sure to take the appropriate care. Ownership is not something to take lightly by either party. For the one who would be owned, it requires a good deal of faith. For the one who would own another, it means being sure that your own person and affairs are in order.” –Cyd Athens
I’ve seen first hand what bad ownership can do to a submissive. They literally destroy that person past their foundation and core. You talk about abuse, it goes beyond abandonment and anguish. That person believed they had found happiness and not soon after was abandoned and left to fend for herself. It destroyed everything she believed in and the trust was almost irreparable. Again, that is why it’s essential not to rush things. Let them develop slowly and naturally don’t dive in head first at the deepest end of the ocean! Learn each other. Play with each other. Understand each other. It’s a way of teaching each other about one another, so that when you gain or relinquish that control you can do it knowing you’ve given them at least the basic tools to get the job done.
Here’s an example: In my dynamic, Master will prepare me some hot tea when I get home from shift in order to help with me not only relax enough to sleep but make sure my health is maintained since I am exposed to so many individuals that could be sick. In exchange I make certain Master’s coffee is always ready to go before he goes on duty so that I know he’s not only warm in the cold winter weather, but alert and somewhat awake so that he’s not at risk for sleepy mistakes out there.
See? Even the littlest things can mean so much when it’s done with care and concern. Ownership is just taking care of each other, regardless of the roles you play in your dynamic. Taking care of my needs doesn’t make him any less of a Master. There are those who have protocols in their dynamics that state the bottom/sub/slave must DO everything. Not knocking it at all if that is your dynamic. However, I have seen where the “Dom” will say that if a sub doesn’t do EVERYTHING, then their Dom is not a true Dom. I call bullshit. And this goes for the primal ones as well, to fulfill their needs includes caring for the needs of the ones who depend on you in your pack. Whether that need is sexual, play or health wise, as the Alpha you must make sure your pack is happy and well fed. Regardless if the responsibility is too much, there’s no shame in rejecting the request to own or be owned. Don’t risk it.
So… Again, I ask of you who read this….
What does it mean to be owned or own another to you?