Lust and Love. Desire. Need and Want. So many descriptions of the passion we share together. For someone with a desire almost twice that of a “normal” female. My need to be wanted is almost constant and in return I want to be needed. So many who find themselves in the BDSM world often have these feelings, thoughts and emotions that are deeper than anything they’ve ever felt or experienced; It’s much more amplified. We feel more, we strive more, we desire more, we need more, we lust more, we want more, we crave more and we sure as hell enjoy fucking more 😉 But most importantly, we love so much more. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel there is any right or wrong way to live ones’ lives, But i’ve lived and loved both in a D/s dynamic and a “vanilla” marriage so this, of course, is based on personal experiences. I have always been an independent soul. I never cared who needed me or wanted me around because I never felt that I was wanted or needed by anyone. Not by my family or friends. I knew that when i’d leave or stay busy my phone would be silent and people would forget my existence until I appeared again. I was the type who did more than others ever did for me, but that’s just who I am in nature. It hurt don’t get me wrong to feel I was good enough to sleep with but never one to fall in love with. Eventually I gave up on fairy tale love. Then Master and I joined paths and here I am. There are times I don’t always feel that i’m wanted/needed, but it’s limited and I simply dismiss those thoughts into insecurities. When Master takes me in the middle of the night, or in the early morning hours or before we sleep, I can feel his need and desires throughout my body and not just by the marks he leaves on my skin that I adore. The way his fingertips both strongly grip and gently caress my skin. The way his lips cover every inch of my body, even the areas I hate to acknowledge. The way his legs intertwine with mine as we roll around passionately. The way his scent lingers on my skin hours after we’ve become one vessel for each other.
In return Dominants need and want in the same ways. Especially the ones who perhaps have that ‘lone wolf’ experiences. They need to be wanted too and want to be needed, otherwise why would they be a part of your life? It’s something I have to remind myself as well, especially when it comes to doing things for both myself and around the house. Master needs to know that he is a part of not only our dynamic as a whole but as a team. He needs to know that I want him to help me in many ways and need him to be apart of my life. Many feel that needs and wants are two different things, but they go so much in hand together. Much like D/s you cannot have one without the other.
Granted, with the TPE the power struggle is there and so very real to deal with and no dynamic is perfect. It takes YEARS and I do mean YEARS to find that balance and even then it has its slip ups. The key is not to give up on each other, however if it doesn’t work out to your ideals or dreams you cannot harbor anger or bitterness; Some things aren’t meant to be. I am not one of those subs who was lucky enough to find perfection right on the first shot. I have had my fair share of the wannabe-doms and online jerks. And Master well…. I’ll let him tell his own stories. We’re pretty fortunate and I count my blessings. Granted, there are days we have our slip ups and the foundations cave underneath us, but we fight for each other. Why? Because I need and want him and his needs and wants me in return. When two people have that part figured out, the rest is irrelevant.