Finding out who you are…. Who you really are on the inside, is one of those many life lessons I feel that everyone experiences differently. Just as we heal or handle situations in different ways, we are discovering ourselves just as different. As time continues and we learn and grow our needs often fluctuate and vary. My primal side, I feel is growing more and more each day. This goes back to basic nature, our primal instincts, survival of the fittest. Even back when we were uncivilized cave people, women knew what they wanted in a man- the strongest, burliest most confident man with the physical and mental strength to slay a saber tooth, bring home a mammoth for dinner and of course the physical ability to throw them up against the cave walls and make them feel like a woman.
A strong Alpha always protects his keep.
Confidence is perhaps the sexiest quality of an Alpha. You see it in His eyes. You hear it in His voice. You feel it when He touches you. It’s natural for them. A sub reacts instinctively to it; a sub will never give its best without it. The power to command, the quiet confidence to know for sure that he will prevail, and the daring to go for it and take what he wants. A commanding presence even if he doesn’t know it. Fearlessness—or daring or courage even in the face of fear. He who dares, wins. Calm assurance. The absence of any hint of asking for a favor or appealing to pity. Directness. Activeness. Effectiveness. Not hiding behind a flirty exterior never daring to risk being direct…..
Life’s experiences and the will to make changes in yourself and your life surely can affect significant changes. I know that I myself have developed my own confidence and strength over the years, forcing myself to “feel the fear and (dare to) do (the scary things I passionately wanted to do) anyway”. And this has significantly affected the way others see me, as someone once pointed out to me, that in itself implies a strength of will that not everyone has. It seems easier to say what it isn’t than what it is. It is not directly related to appearance, or not obviously so to me, anyway. Confidence might be part of it, there are plenty of men who are positively brimming with confidence who do not move me at all. I flocked to the alpha male because it seems as though dominance is a part of it, but it seems to me to be the sort of unaffected, self-conscious awareness one might call “natural dominance” rather than the theatrical, affected, dominance I see in many who call themselves a BDSM “Dom”.
Alpha isn’t something that you put on like a coat. You either have it or you don’t. You can’t fake a natural aggression or burning need to control…..
Like in the animal kingdom, we have alpha males and alpha females. Alpha Males and Females seem to fit together and make an unstoppable force, a valuable partnership. Even in a situation -like my workplace- where there is just an Alpha female and lots of females and no males these females will still look up to her and be in awe of the Alpha female, and vice versa for the male. People need alphas to lead and to look up to. The people who said it depends on the situation are right, it really does depend on the situation. I have been told a few times now that I am an Alpha Female and I have been aware of some kind of effect on men that appears to happen. Basically what my mother told me for years now that I “break men”. Probably why I also tend to be attracted to the typical Alpha Male type. I have also seen other Alpha Females at work and have noticed that they do have a definite effect on men, and an Alpha female will tend to be surrounded by beta males, but not so much be attracted to them, if that makes sense….. Now that can play a role of uncertainty in one’s relationship, as i’m finding out. However, a Dominant needs to be confident not only in himself, but in his dynamic; Insecurity can rattle each other to destruction…
I feel the Alpha Male should not necessarily look for his woman to make decisions, but always cherishes her input. He is able to move forward without needing her, yet does not without her. He listens, and remembers the little things about her because he cares and cherishes her, like a precious and rare item he holds close to his heart. He knows how to make her feel safe, and does those things every time. He intimately knows her fears and desires, not by mind reading, but by talking with her often, and really pays attention. He puts “knowing her” at the top of his priorities, and does things that shows he does, and frequently, daily, even hourly at times. He constantly chooses honor and respect not only her, but himself, for he knows that one must be able to take care of themselves before they are able to take care of another. Learning about my primal side has been quite the experience. I also have noticed that I am willing to comply if it is not asked/demanded in a demeaning way. If the request relates to my well-being, I do respond well. Unless, of course, it is something I really don’t want to do LOL, then I become a negotiator. With other men, I don’t allow them to order me around, it’s out-of-order and so not happening; but when the alpha comes out in Master, I become….Obedient. It’s like I have to obey, no question. I want to and need to obey in some primeval way and it feels good to do so……