Subs and Dom-Drop

So as I mentioned before I am sick. I have been sick for a good week now. I’ve taken meds, seen the doctor but i’m still sicky, yucky and cruddy. And does it effect my moods. I’m whiny, needy and i’m so incredibly annoyed with myself I could easily beat myself to a pulp. Because I am like this, I know it effects my Master. He is still trying to deal with Dom-drop on top of other things that we deal with on a daily basis. I know it can’t be easy and I can’t find myself to make him understand how viable it is that he address his Dom drop before my illness. Contradictory right? So many times we see Dominants as these strong, versatile, impenetrable moments that keep us submissives together when our days are long and tired.

10636595_1496666347265624_2821893065784390024_o

There is no doubt about the fact that we as submissives, have a lot to face in our lives and our relationships with our Dominants, but what many may not understand fully is that the Dominant may fall under the pressure of life that can kill him slowly. It can take a lot of hard work from the submissive to infiltrate the walls he built around him and be able to understand what is hurting him emotionally. Unlike the popular beliefs, a submissive is a major force and strength within BDSM relationships because she does possess the power to heal her dominant in so many ways that no other can and it is her duty to connect enough with her Dominant to find out when he start to fall down. Dom drop is very hard to distinguish and can be “fatal” to a Dominant and a dynamic if you’re not careful. No Sir wants to acknowledge that they’re feeling less than or weak. And I will never see my Master as such, but I know with all the activities and power exchange that took part in 3 small days, his mind and soul are tired and heavy. As I said in previous posts before, Some dominant may not wish to expose such side of their personality to their submissive or wishes to not put their burden upon their submissives so don’t take him, saying he’s “okay” for granted because usually he may be facing a lot of issues but simply doesn’t wish to say it. Last night Master, I knew was still battling fatigue, event drop along with his Dom drop ON TOP of his demons and the urge to care for me through my illness. Yet despite all that I wanted to just spend time with him, in a non-kinky way. I put on a movie I knew he would enjoy, we made popcorn and just snuggled together as one. Granted it was late and we were both tired, but it was a moment we could share as one. As a submissive you may face resistance of him, anger or even solid silence, but don’t give up on him and continue to offer him safe environment and constant support to let him open up for you. Sometimes he doesn’t need BDSM related activities but ..a Kiss , a simple ” I am here for you”, a silent sit down with him till he talks, a gesture of pure compassion or a feeling of your love comforting him may heal him from deepest wounds. Remember, you are his haven, his home and everything he wanted and that is why he is there with you when he falls. Take care of him and he will take care of you. ….. 

tumblr_n0t0e8j0vS1s3nlxyo1_1280

Enter the Second Trimester of Kink………….

“Wow! You really have embraced your spots!”

0727-05-jennifer-lopez-leopard-print-glamour-magazine_li

That’s a phrase that has summed up my wonderful weekend with my community at Spring Pan. My journey continues to be a roller coaster moments, including the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. However, I have taken a moment to finally jot down the things I have felt or observed while at Pan….

Master and I were ‘newbies’ at leather fiesta last year, and it was very apparent as the flux of ‘new blood’ was also apparent this year. I could tell because of the expressions on their faces in the dungeon. Not all who enter could really grasp what it is that they’re getting themselves into. I know because some who came on Friday night didn’t return the following evening… And that’s okay. I think many need to experience first hand to really see if this is something they want or don’t want to get into.

And that is when it really hit me, how far I’ve come in my journey. Master and I do admit at the last major event we did have a bit of a frenzy and wanted to do all the things, this time we took our time and did what was within our abilities and mindset. Unfortunately, I was battling a strong case of what I thought was allergies (spawned into bronchitis..) but I pushed forward as best as I could. We didn’t attend as many classes as last time, and the ones we did attend were full! Being claustrophobic, Master understood when I asked to duck out half way through…..  We mingled more. Spent more time with our friends whom we dearly missed! Master splurged on such AMAZING goodies to include a dragon’s tail, a set of galley whips, a new flogger among other things. But this trip wasn’t just for our pleasure, no no no….

We had the blessings of paying it forward in many ways; One couple we’ve adored over time is dear to our hearts. Two kitties who’ve flocked to each other and we watch our owners, trade punishment ideas lol we were able to hang out with them and purchase them beautiful leather cuffs as a gift from us. Also Another beautiful soul in our community is becoming ill from an unknown disease and it literally broke my heart to see her in such agony. I literally cried, but her determination to not let anything hinder her, even when she played with her boi, just filled my heart with just joy. That eagerness to fulfill each other’s needs is part of why I am so dearly in love with this lifestyle. Master and I gave her a monetary donation towards funding her answers. These things we did was not because we wanted to flaunt ourselves, but because we are fortunate to be in a position to do so and I am a firm believer in paying it forward…. Why not send forth good fortune in this world?!

Now back to the dungeon, while thisyear it was more spacious, the crowd itself was much more in numbers. The mood was better Saturday night versus Friday, however again, I felt much more than before. I was used to being the few who used to be lead on leashes awhile back, now this time I saw it everywhere. I am on a leash in a large event not for a fashion or “how all subs should be” but because I have an anxiety disorder and large crowds make me lock up or tense. I don’t have my service dog with me at kink events (he would lose his shit if his momma was getting whipped) so Master has me on a leash as a sense of security and safety and to calm my demons should any females want to play Alpha tug of war with me. That’s another thing. I saw a wave of sub/dom frenzy. HOLY SHIT BALLS BATMAN did I ever! It was VERY apparent the FSOG frenzy was alive and well at this event as many of the Doms/Subs/whatever they were flocked and dived in feet first at the deep end of the kink pool. However, they must’ve not been told about common courtesy or common sense. Master told me this later on (thank heavens) but I guess while I was having a kitten moment with another kitten at the human size-pet area (three words: GIANT scratching post) I guess some sub felt it was okay to flirt with my Master….

Roaring-Leopard

No. Nope. Negative Ghostrider…. That does not fly. In our world we show each other respect and those who are in dynamics/relationships even more respect! Being that of a primal I would’ve shown my Alpha side and taken her as a challenge and what do alpha’s do when challenged??? Yes. Could’ve gotten ugly or at least some of my fangs would’ve appeared. Regardless, I saw that many times over. Granted, it’s a common mistake any newbie makes, but this weekend I was on the other side of it and wow now I see why it’s so important to show common courtesy. Another thing I saw a lot of was disobedient subs. Holy hell. I have my tendencies, but some were just flat out disobedient! I could not believe how they could just behave in such a way, it was horrendous and made me just gawk in exasperation while I watched silently as I knelt next to my Master as I am supposed to do.

It was a fun event regardless, and I feel my Master and I are really coming into our own now. I am ready for us to take on that next step. We’ve both agreed that lately we aren’t happy with where are dynamic was plateaued at however we weren’t sure what our next step should be…. I think being surrounded by such amazing kinksters of our community help remind us and give us a shove in the direction we’d like to be. I know personally i’d like to get back on tasks and schedules once my stupid bronchitis clears. Dealing with her is no longer an issue, despite the demons the wench has left me with. It’s a slow process that which i’m overcoming little by little. I am looking forward to getting back to journaling regularly, working out regularly, having scenes as often as possible and just little subtle signs of dominance from my Master that keeps me in my place and in line.

A new phase and a new beginning is how I’m looking towards the start of this Summer…..

Quotation-Kim-Dare-great-Meetville-Quotes-150129

Ignoring is not always the smartest Idea…..

So a topic/writing/whatever caught my eye recently on Fetlife and outside of work, it really weighed heavily as it was a hell of a debate to observe. Granted, this is written from my point of view, but, it’s something i’ve seen more and more often. It’s a long writing, but the title alone is as follows….

“Ignoring is a legitimate and often a useful tool of behavior modification that I advocate.”

tumblr_lznoej6jZF1ql5yr7o1_400

Wat.

Here’s the thing; Said author believes that this works, especially for those bratty subs who don’t take punishments seriously, or perhaps a dom who isn’t Dom-ly enough to really put their foot down. While I understand the underlying message that’s trying to be channeled across is the idea of,”I’m very hurt with you by your behavior or your actions.” I don’t believe that willful or deliberate ignoring one or another is exactly a smart move.

IMG_3436-0

Take for example capital punishment. While many crimes deserve it, it was Ghandi who once said,”An eye for an eye will make the world blind” the same basis goes for that of the punishment and ignoring idea. If my Master was to ignore me, eventually i’m going to be so hurt and angry i’m going to ignore right back…. And the vicious circle will commence until one of us breaks. And not only will ignoring your sub hurt them emotionally, the mental anguish can reach an insane amount of uncertainty. It can rattle their core being, question your loyalty, your integrity and above all, question their faith in you and your dynamic. Unless you are openly poly, how is ignoring your sub going to solidify that you are always going to keep your promise of never intentionally causing them harm? To make any submissive question if their Dom still wants them is to intentionally inflict harm into their heart and souls.

Many say that ignoring is a form of sub-abandonment and that’s just downright abuse. You don’t ever abandon those who count on you. You may hear other terms like neglect as well and it just keeps going from there. Again, it’s all a part of the responsibilities in a basic D/s lifestyle.

Now, if you DID want to instill some type of stern behavior modification, without the ignoring part, then I always suggest doing your research. Master and I have discussed some possible punishments should I ever need them. Time-outs are one as I absolutely HATE silence, and to be away from my master. It’s not ignoring but to me it’s the closest to it without the whole, yknow, abandonment part. I’ve seen alternate versions like corner time, some use things from old guard days. A dominant friend of mine requires his submissives to write essays on what they did wrong. I’ve seen some require humiliation punishments and other varying forms of punishments based on the severity of the offense. The worst i’ve ever seen is the removal of one’s collar, and the submissive had to earn it back.

But again, no use or need of the ignoring method.

Perhaps because of how sensitive many women are, considering how hard it is for anyone to let down their guarded walls. It’s a terrifying thing and then to be ignored is just salt to the wounds. Just like any relationship, if the Sub feels her Dom cannot make her smile, that he isn’t helping her grow in a positive way, if she’s just not smiling anymore, if she doesn’t feel the need to kneel and serve his every need or just fulfill her role happily…. well then adios dude.

IMG_3433

So, with all that being said, I know that I’d love to hear from other Submissives and Dominants on their thoughts regarding this topic! Comment and share!

April

A new month begins. The month I’ve been looking forward to for such a long time. So many events are due to occur and it’s going to be fabulous. One of which may be sooner than later, but only time will tell. As usual the tiny moments of laziness and any inclination to relax is overshadowed by a large wave of stress. Busy day-to-day lives which i’m sure will test us on every level.

That’s something I have to remind myself often. Master does the best he can. He is going to make mistakes; that’s a given. However, he does the best that he can. He may not always get it right, he may not always get it wrong either. He has other things on his mind, other worries, other stresses. I, above all, understand how those things can play into effect when it comes to trying to balance everyday life on top of the “what-if” thoughts that often come into play at the most unwanted times. Murphy LOVES to play those kind of fuckery games. I have to remember that Master does the best he can, even on the days that it seems he just doesn’t care or isn’t paying attention. One thing that I have noticed lately, is myself turning inward. I am apologizing for nothing and often feel as if i’m constantly making mistakes. Perhaps it’s stemming from the feeling of uncertainty or my PMDD or something. Perhaps its the ever-increasing stress from work and dealing with the arrival of Masters family. They are due to stay with us for a short period of time, and one of them is still friends with Her and god I can’t even come up with enough words of how uneasy I am over it all. The impending ridicule, dissection of my home, my life, my lifestyle, how my house looks, what I own, what I do, etc…. I feel as if i’m awaiting a flood of insults, laughter, mockery and humiliation. The stress is growing every day and while I don’t want to go down that road I feel it’s just a storm that’s awaiting. The moment the idea was mentioned, every single red flag and buzzer went off in my head, but I am no one and my opinions were not heard, therefore, here we are and I am seriously considering taking every single medication to make sure my mood is in check and I am in a medicated coma until I head off to work where I will be able to function semi-normal. How do we go about our everyday life now with the invasion of the nillas in our home? I can’t wear my house collar, we can’t scene, I can’t call Master “Master” or do the everyday things that make me feel at home…..

Adding insult to injury, I’ve continued to run scenarios in my head regarding our lifestyle. Why is it that it’s easier to say that one is gay and so much harder to say that they live an everyday Dominant’/submissive dynamic? I imagine what my co-workers, even the openly poly ones, would say…..

IMG_3464

 

It’s a scary thought because I don’t want to be seen as any less, and many see submissive as weak individuals, when in fact we are quite opposite. My mother, i’ve wanted to tell, however lately i’ve done nothing but apparently disappoint her, which hurts me deeply. I’ve never had a great relationship with her anyways, but still, she’s my mother, and to know i’m her greatest failure is just more reasons as to why I am the way I am. Why I think of myself so lowly and harshly. Why I feel people like me don’t deserve happiness or pretty things. Why I feel it’s only a matter of time before Master leaves. It’s horrible to think that way, but I don’t know how else to think sometimes. It’s as if my own past has brainwashed me over and over, no matter how hard I try to overcome things. I’m getting better though, and I know it’s going to take time to break a lifetime habit. One day at a time……