“Wow! You really have embraced your spots!”
That’s a phrase that has summed up my wonderful weekend with my community at Spring Pan. My journey continues to be a roller coaster moments, including the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. However, I have taken a moment to finally jot down the things I have felt or observed while at Pan….
Master and I were ‘newbies’ at leather fiesta last year, and it was very apparent as the flux of ‘new blood’ was also apparent this year. I could tell because of the expressions on their faces in the dungeon. Not all who enter could really grasp what it is that they’re getting themselves into. I know because some who came on Friday night didn’t return the following evening… And that’s okay. I think many need to experience first hand to really see if this is something they want or don’t want to get into.
And that is when it really hit me, how far I’ve come in my journey. Master and I do admit at the last major event we did have a bit of a frenzy and wanted to do all the things, this time we took our time and did what was within our abilities and mindset. Unfortunately, I was battling a strong case of what I thought was allergies (spawned into bronchitis..) but I pushed forward as best as I could. We didn’t attend as many classes as last time, and the ones we did attend were full! Being claustrophobic, Master understood when I asked to duck out half way through….. We mingled more. Spent more time with our friends whom we dearly missed! Master splurged on such AMAZING goodies to include a dragon’s tail, a set of galley whips, a new flogger among other things. But this trip wasn’t just for our pleasure, no no no….
We had the blessings of paying it forward in many ways; One couple we’ve adored over time is dear to our hearts. Two kitties who’ve flocked to each other and we watch our owners, trade punishment ideas lol we were able to hang out with them and purchase them beautiful leather cuffs as a gift from us. Also Another beautiful soul in our community is becoming ill from an unknown disease and it literally broke my heart to see her in such agony. I literally cried, but her determination to not let anything hinder her, even when she played with her boi, just filled my heart with just joy. That eagerness to fulfill each other’s needs is part of why I am so dearly in love with this lifestyle. Master and I gave her a monetary donation towards funding her answers. These things we did was not because we wanted to flaunt ourselves, but because we are fortunate to be in a position to do so and I am a firm believer in paying it forward…. Why not send forth good fortune in this world?!
Now back to the dungeon, while thisyear it was more spacious, the crowd itself was much more in numbers. The mood was better Saturday night versus Friday, however again, I felt much more than before. I was used to being the few who used to be lead on leashes awhile back, now this time I saw it everywhere. I am on a leash in a large event not for a fashion or “how all subs should be” but because I have an anxiety disorder and large crowds make me lock up or tense. I don’t have my service dog with me at kink events (he would lose his shit if his momma was getting whipped) so Master has me on a leash as a sense of security and safety and to calm my demons should any females want to play Alpha tug of war with me. That’s another thing. I saw a wave of sub/dom frenzy. HOLY SHIT BALLS BATMAN did I ever! It was VERY apparent the FSOG frenzy was alive and well at this event as many of the Doms/Subs/whatever they were flocked and dived in feet first at the deep end of the kink pool. However, they must’ve not been told about common courtesy or common sense. Master told me this later on (thank heavens) but I guess while I was having a kitten moment with another kitten at the human size-pet area (three words: GIANT scratching post) I guess some sub felt it was okay to flirt with my Master….
No. Nope. Negative Ghostrider…. That does not fly. In our world we show each other respect and those who are in dynamics/relationships even more respect! Being that of a primal I would’ve shown my Alpha side and taken her as a challenge and what do alpha’s do when challenged??? Yes. Could’ve gotten ugly or at least some of my fangs would’ve appeared. Regardless, I saw that many times over. Granted, it’s a common mistake any newbie makes, but this weekend I was on the other side of it and wow now I see why it’s so important to show common courtesy. Another thing I saw a lot of was disobedient subs. Holy hell. I have my tendencies, but some were just flat out disobedient! I could not believe how they could just behave in such a way, it was horrendous and made me just gawk in exasperation while I watched silently as I knelt next to my Master as I am supposed to do.
It was a fun event regardless, and I feel my Master and I are really coming into our own now. I am ready for us to take on that next step. We’ve both agreed that lately we aren’t happy with where are dynamic was plateaued at however we weren’t sure what our next step should be…. I think being surrounded by such amazing kinksters of our community help remind us and give us a shove in the direction we’d like to be. I know personally i’d like to get back on tasks and schedules once my stupid bronchitis clears. Dealing with her is no longer an issue, despite the demons the wench has left me with. It’s a slow process that which i’m overcoming little by little. I am looking forward to getting back to journaling regularly, working out regularly, having scenes as often as possible and just little subtle signs of dominance from my Master that keeps me in my place and in line.
A new phase and a new beginning is how I’m looking towards the start of this Summer…..