If anything could be perfectly summed up in a photograph…. This would be it. This is how I look and feel, and how Master is overseeing things. My mother and his mother are worried. Hell, i’m worried. I haven’t been this ill since I was a child and i’m fortunate I don’t remember much of that. Today i’m tired. More things hurt. I am feeling just utterly exhausted and drained, but I refuse to be a lump on a log, so yes, I tried to go to work today, and yes Master said it wasn’t happening. I argued a little more than I did yesterday just because I am still not used to not doing my part. However, I quit arguing and did as I am told. I am honestly not in any shape to argue much, although I sure tried last night. This weekend was the beginning of the full moon and it’s odd how she manages to hold her sway. Perhaps it’s the full moon, perhaps it’s something else, but all day long I feel horrid and in the late evening for the night hours I begin to show an extreme amount of improvement and stamina. It’s weird. I feel more alive, more at ease, more alert, healthier and certainly able to breathe better.
Primals across the world feel more in tuned with their primal nature due to this full moon. I’ve always felt different during certain phases of the moon, lunar eclipses, rings around the moon and of course blood on the moon. I’m slowly learning more and more the meaning of Primal and how much I embrace it, especially being ill. It is flesh on flesh, it’s the wild within all of us. The uncivilized part of who we are, where nothing exist but the fire of energy. Primal is our foundation of our basic instincts and our animal nature as we embrace our animal nature. Touching, smelling and being creative with our hands, mouth and body, it is the core of our souls. A Primal’s head space and mindset is more than an attitude of leaving the body and becoming a nonhuman shift into an animalistic being. It is love-making and play at the primal level of our true self. Primal Play, to me, is the release from being a modern human and to be in a privative state of mind where we let loose. It’s thinking and living without restraints as a human; without shame and to embrace our desires and operate on the basic instincts of our soul. It is expressing passion and sensual energy without restraints in our mind and body and most of all without fear. This is the place where our body and mind fine tune the most primitive self as we touch that place of letting go and just being in the moment. It is hot and sensual, and it will touch your inner nature of your true self, and you learn of a new way to be in touch with that hidden part of you. Primal is the raw, animalistic, wild, sexual and uncivilized part of who we are conditioned to be in our daily life. We are taught to ignore, pretend and hide this feeling inside of us and not to share this wild side to the outside world. This exists within all of us and the animal within us is calling us out. It is often a consciousness or space as an individual is connected to their animalistic, primal urges and thinking out of the box.
Now there are roles within that title of Primal. Prey and Predator, just as it exists in the natural realm. I know of those who indulge in being prey and those who are predators. Neither is less than the other and vice versa. Just as in nature, both are a part of each other and apart of the delicate balance which the other is able to exist. Many say primal is just intuitive as the Druids or nodes or even pagans. I don’t know about all of that, to me, it’s more than those things, but they are all based on the basic belief of being in tune with the world around you, the air, water, the ground, the sun and the moon. In a dynamic we often harbor a pack or clan mentality, what that means to you i’ll let you decide. I know what it means to me and that goes right back to the Alpha Dominant taking care of his own. Mine certainly is doing the best he can. I am so very tired today and have been told to remain next to his side until further notice. To me, things like this disprove those horrible beliefs that BDSM and D/s lifestyle is just based on pure sexual energy and pure demand. Master and I aren’t fucking or flogging 24/7. He isn’t FORCING me, CONTROLLING me just to get his rocks off. He’s not telling me to be on my knees, kissing his boots while i’m doing my best not to sneeze all over him. There’s no Christan Grey douchebag telling me he’s going to fuck me and all that crap. No…. He’s here next to me, reading his book, my head rests on his lap. He pets my head gently as I drift off, while we listen to the storm roll in as the wind chimes and trees sing their songs with the wind. He is my Master, I am his submissive. If you don’t feel this way, perhaps it’s time to make the changes to do so….