Falling short

Words from my Master

lyallbete

I lay here next to you, listening to your breathing as I watch you sleep. The room slowly brightens as the sun rises, chasing the shadows away. It has been a long night. One spent battling demons, both old and new. I was already set for a rough night, I just didn’t realize how rough it would be.

You think that I had a perfect life, that I had everything. Friends that I enjoyed spending time with, a happy home that I enjoyed returning to. You don’t believe me when I tell you that was all an act. A facade that I maintained because that was what was expected of me. The truth of the matter is that I was miserable. I was without true friends, I wasn’t and am still not a popular person. In short, I was living a lie.

Then, you came along. So wild and free…

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Focus

lyallbete

Well, this week has been a nightmare. First, we lost water in the house for almost 24 hours. Got turned on 20 min prior to family coming to visit for the first time. Then there was a fire that got within a few feet of the house. It was all over Facebook but no one saw the need to call us. Then a stress filled visit from family that actually turned out better than we thought. Then a death where neither of us could be at the funeral due to work. And added on top was work itself. With summer coming on, as usual, the work load increases, but SERIOUSLY people!!!!!! I have found myself becoming very task oriented lately, which means that my kitten has had to suffer. I don’t do it intentionally. It’s just how I deal when A LOT of stress enters my life. I pick the…

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thinking [undeserved] thursday

serenity through submission

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This is where I belong,
safe on His chest, my Home.

The words He says,
the nicest I’ve ever heard.

He calls me lovely things,
though I am totally unworthy.

Tears roll freely.
I know this is His honesty.

He sees things in me –
they just aren’t there.

I try to tell Him,
to let Him down easy.

He will not hear me.
Truth, He says. All of this is truth.

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I really love His words.
I want so badly to be these words.

I try to be what He thinks, see what He sees.
But I am always falling short.

So these words that I love?
Well, they sting a little, too.

Eighteen years by now.
He has always been so sure of me.
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How much longer until He sees
that I am not what He believes?

I don’t deserve these words.
I don’t deserve Him.

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I’m not the good He sees,
but I do…

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Responsibility

lyallbete

Responsibility, it’s something that all of us have. Whether it is to another person to accomplish a task or to ourselves to live a certain way, it is something that is understood in society. But what happens when reaponsibilities start to wear you thin? They haven’t stretched you to the breaking point, but they are overlapping. What do you do? How do you react to not fully taking care of each of your responsibilities? I know that in the past, I would pick the most important one to me and focus completely on it. All of the rest would fall by the wayside. But now, I’m doing better at trying to balance them out. As an example, I have multiple responsibilities at work that are starting to wear on me. I’m responsible for building a class that I will certify and then teach to multiple people throughout the profession that…

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