As I’ve mentioned before, At work I see myself as an Alpha female. I have to be. I have to be that one who’s going to never show throat and will always stand my ground. Because of this I am an outcast by many on my shift. This causes so much tension, stress and exhaustion on me. I get home and I want to crawl in Master’s arms and just let it all out. I don’t understand why I am an outcast, but I don’t give a shit if I am. The way I see it, they don’t understand nor do they compare. I am not made to kiss their ass, bow to their demands or chase after their approval. They can go pound sand. I stand alone, but I know Master has my back. That’s all that I need. There are a few I see who are also Alpha females and they are the ones whom I trust on the job. The number is small, but I don’t need a large circle. I never have. I’ve always been that way, and as the years have gone on, the circle gets smaller and smaller. I’m okay with that. Yes it’s lonely but I’ve learned to adapt in worse situations, I’ll just learn to adapt once again.
I’ve stopped seeing myself as a kitten lately, except in the eyes of Master but even then I don’t really see myself that way. I see myself stronger and more capable. I know I am meant for greater things. I will get there. I am not made for where I am now, not because I see myself as holier than art thou type, but because I know I am made for more than this. The current mentality of where I am is sucking my motivation dry. Instead of eagerness it’s being replaced with disdain and hate. I don’t like that feeling. I know I’ve never exactly gotten along with females, but I am surrounded by more than just petty females, I am surrounded by men who have more bark than bite. Large ego’s and small brains. I have worked hard at building a rapport with my new surroundings and in doing so I’ve made a lot of enemies by the ones’ who are supposed to always watch my six. Their mentality is not fitting with mine and so we clash. It happens, however I will not let it hinder me. Master says to use it as my motivation, and I will. I will smile in their faces as they bad mouth me. I will be professional, but always be prepared to fight. I will keep peace in my heart, but keep my fists ready. To me this is how I see my Alpha side. There is a lot of misinformation out there because female alphas are so often labeled ‘bitches’ by jealous beta males and females.
The true role of all alphas, both male and female, is to be the leader of the pack and to protect those in their care. The proportion of alphas among humans correspond directly with the proportion of alphas among animals – for evolutionary reasons. Here’s a few ways you know you’re “Alpha”.
- You don’t seek the approval of other females and therefore often come across as aggressive in the way you speak and carry yourself. (Approval-seeking is the main way to tell you are beta, by the way!)
- When you are with a group of people you offer your input because you know it will be helpful, not because it may make others approve of you more, and you do not care about how your input will be received because you know you are right.
- You are fiercely protective of those you love
- You know how to threaten and intimidate those who would harm you or anyone in your care and you are not afraid to retaliate
- You don’t engage in drama but always seek the most direct route to the solution and/or a peaceful resolution. However you are never afraid of war.
- You are comfortable in your own skin and have your own sense of style (fashion victims are never alphas – see the first point about approval)
- The only person you would ever submit to is an alpha male strong enough to not be intimidated by you
- You don’t need look around to know that you are the centre of attention as soon as you enter a room
- The thought of dying alone does not scare you
- Other people come to you for help (yes, even the ones that bitch about you behind your back) because you are known to be both capable and trustworthy.
- Your eyes are very telling and often piercing. You use eye contact to guide, protect and intimidate. As an alpha female, you may have been told more than once to stop looking at someone. The quickest way to regain your sense of being alpha is to allow your power to begin radiating freely from your eyes.
Now don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with be a beta or even an omega. I’m beta to my Master. We all play a role in our dynamics and packs. The thing for me personally, is this role of Alpha is important to me. Growing up, I was made to feel unworthy of anything from anyone including affection. I was taught to be 100% independent and to love a person and submit yourself to them was a sign of weakness. I am learning however that being Alpha doesn’t mean I cannot be apart of another person’s life. That while you cannot trust everyone, the one’s you trust and especially the one you love AND trust; that it’s okay to let your guard down and sheath your claws. There are times I fight this within myself and it’s still a daily issue for me. Fighting my past and my upbringing. My demons who just love to play their games in my sleep. There are nightmares and dreams that I cannot shake. That feeling of an unknown threat lurking in the night. Driving around town, I relieve those moments when Master didn’t protect me from her or them. I feel that anger and rage still boiling beneath my skin, like a dormant volcano. It’s a sensation and feeling I wish I could tame or completely get rid of, however it’s apart of me and who I am whether I like it or not. The skill now is to maintain my Alpha learnings and teachings so that I can keep a tight rein on those parts of me….
I know I can become something greater and stronger. Someone of worth and desire. Someone who has a primal aura, that speaks on great levels. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I don’t want fame. I just want to achieve my dreams and goals with my Master behind me. I want to have spawnlings and teach them how to take on the world. I want to experience life with all of its beauty and not so glamourous sides. I want to help Master embrace the Alpha I know he is.
So I arise to the challenge…….