So a topic/writing/whatever caught my eye recently on Fetlife and outside of work, it really weighed heavily as it was a hell of a debate to observe. Granted, this is written from my point of view, but, it’s something i’ve seen more and more often. It’s a long writing, but the title alone is as follows….
“Ignoring is a legitimate and often a useful tool of behavior modification that I advocate.”
Here’s the thing; Said author believes that this works, especially for those bratty subs who don’t take punishments seriously, or perhaps a dom who isn’t Dom-ly enough to really put their foot down. While I understand the underlying message that’s trying to be channeled across is the idea of,”I’m very hurt with you by your behavior or your actions.” I don’t believe that willful or deliberate ignoring one or another is exactly a smart move.
Take for example capital punishment. While many crimes deserve it, it was Ghandi who once said,”An eye for an eye will make the world blind” the same basis goes for that of the punishment and ignoring idea. If my Master was to ignore me, eventually i’m going to be so hurt and angry i’m going to ignore right back…. And the vicious circle will commence until one of us breaks. And not only will ignoring your sub hurt them emotionally, the mental anguish can reach an insane amount of uncertainty. It can rattle their core being, question your loyalty, your integrity and above all, question their faith in you and your dynamic. Unless you are openly poly, how is ignoring your sub going to solidify that you are always going to keep your promise of never intentionally causing them harm? To make any submissive question if their Dom still wants them is to intentionally inflict harm into their heart and souls.
Many say that ignoring is a form of sub-abandonment and that’s just downright abuse. You don’t ever abandon those who count on you. You may hear other terms like neglect as well and it just keeps going from there. Again, it’s all a part of the responsibilities in a basic D/s lifestyle.
Now, if you DID want to instill some type of stern behavior modification, without the ignoring part, then I always suggest doing your research. Master and I have discussed some possible punishments should I ever need them. Time-outs are one as I absolutely HATE silence, and to be away from my master. It’s not ignoring but to me it’s the closest to it without the whole, yknow, abandonment part. I’ve seen alternate versions like corner time, some use things from old guard days. A dominant friend of mine requires his submissives to write essays on what they did wrong. I’ve seen some require humiliation punishments and other varying forms of punishments based on the severity of the offense. The worst i’ve ever seen is the removal of one’s collar, and the submissive had to earn it back.
But again, no use or need of the ignoring method.
Perhaps because of how sensitive many women are, considering how hard it is for anyone to let down their guarded walls. It’s a terrifying thing and then to be ignored is just salt to the wounds. Just like any relationship, if the Sub feels her Dom cannot make her smile, that he isn’t helping her grow in a positive way, if she’s just not smiling anymore, if she doesn’t feel the need to kneel and serve his every need or just fulfill her role happily…. well then adios dude.
So, with all that being said, I know that I’d love to hear from other Submissives and Dominants on their thoughts regarding this topic! Comment and share!