Let’s take a break from the warrior mindset for a minute here….
Let’s talk romance.
So many men are afraid or uncertain about romance. Dominant or not. They’re perhaps intimidated by it. Master has once said He doesn’t “do” romance. I once dated a guy who told me all the romantic things he did for other women but not once did he do any of that for me. Many guys don’t know anything about it because it was once seen as weak or perhaps not “manly“. Whatever the reason it’s something I think every man – especially dominants- ought to be at least thinking about. Because here’s the deal. Real men watch girly shit with their women, and they don’t bitch about it. Because you know what? When you’re done watching that girly shit, your woman is happy. And what do happy women do? They take you to bed and fuck your brains out and feed you nachos afterwards.
Now in the BDSM world, especially those in a D/s or M/s or DD/lg or Master/Pet etc… type dynamics there are ways we show each other we care. For example: Master will brush my hair at night because he knows it relaxes me and it’s his way of showing he cares. I get up early and get him coffee ready and make him breakfast to show that I care. Romance falls into that category I feel. It’s a way to show affection, appreciation and love. You don’t need to buy fancy items to show these things. Making sure Master is fed and taken care of is how I show all of them. Scratching his back at night till he sleeps, holding him close when his demons hit, kissing his forehead when he doesn’t feel well…. little things are what count best of all.
Granted Hollywood and Disney have ruined it for many men with the stupid and false expectations of what women visualize romance should be. Just like how Porn ruined it for women of what men expect in bed. However I feel that’s what makes BDSM so freaking awesome. We get these things; the best of both worlds. We get prince charming and they get the whore-next-door. because think of it this way ladies, When he gets laid and laid well, isn’t he the greatest afterwards?
Ah yes the power of the vagina. But of course comes that wicked demon and false belief that in order for things to be peaceful in the home one HAS to put out every day. Not that it’s a bad thing if you do it (we do pretty much) but I hope that isn’t what everyone is after when they enter a D/s lifestyle. Again, I have to reiterate that BDSM isn’t focused on sex. It’s much deeper than that (no pun intended). You see, when Master and I have a scene, we are able to fulfill a need TOGETHER and with EACH OTHER at the same time. Think of the phrase,”To kill two birds with one stone”. And when both of our needs are met and fulfilled we are able to be on the same level of peace and able to go about our lives just fine because we took the time to care of each other. Many couples will agree when the other shows attention and affection, it helps settle the others mind and grant a feeling of being wanted. Everyone wants to be wanted. No denying that at all. Romance to me, is just that.
The way we go about it, however, is just a little different. There’s nothing wrong with a kiss and a romantic slap on the ass. She may want to make love on a bed filled with rose petals….. yknow after a good flogging. He may want an amazing blow job, yknow after he messaged her back. He may have the best sex of his life, after he relaxed in the bubble bath with her. Catch my drift? So Gentlemen, study up on romance. It doesn’t have to be an “everyday” thing. Don’t be mistaken. But it is appreciated when it happens. Surprises especially! For example: Last night Master and I had a wonderfully amazing dinner that I cooked (he helped with the manly steaks) of Meat, shrimp, salad and wine. I wanted the candles but we skipped them. Afterwards however, he took me by the hand and we slow danced in the living room, with dim lighting to the sounds of classic Billie Holiday. Granted, it would’ve very easily gone to pound town, however it didn’t. Doesn’t make it any less or any more romantic. The fact that he did that little thing for me made my heart and soul float on cloud 9. I slept so well because of that.
For Valentines Day, the day everyone hated, I woke up to my Master, who had just gotten home off duty with cute flowers and a box of chocolates that I could tell he just picked up on his way home from work at 1am. See? The thought that counts. I didn’t need diamonds or glitz. When he was away for a month for his other duties, he sent me flowers on a whim. I have left him little notes and stuffed things filled with my perfume when he goes out-of-town or away for training.
Little things show each other you care. Like bite marks do for me, it’s like a love note written in the flesh. My collar is that reminder that he cares. Everyday he’s with me and I wear him proudly around my neck. I am his and he is mine.