Lost in Lust.

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The rain has arrived. It’s lightning and thundering outside….

My entire being craves you. Everything about you. I desire your skin on mine, your lips roaming every inch of your claimed territory. My tongue licks my lips, that wants to be wrapped around your thickness, and drinking in every drop you give me. I am in need of you. I am needing you. All of you. Your body. Your heart. Your mind. I want to watch you watching me. I want to feel you pull me into you after we are done for the night as we drift off together in a lovers embrace every night.

226830_557340897632390_30634537_nI don’t know why it’s always this time of the month. Yes, that time of the month as well, but i’m a million times horny during the last two weeks of my cycle as well as the month. Everyday of the month I desire my Master. I desire his use and his needs. I need to be needed in many ways, but more importantly physical. So many times as submissives, we speak of being needed in ways other than physical, yet physical need and desires are right up there with oxygen and food. It’s a basic primal function. To me it falls under one of those Manslow categories, it’s a need and a want. When your partner doesn’t want you physically for whatever the reason; stress, life, no time, sickness, tiredness, etc. You no longer feel needed, and perhaps feel as if they’re getting their needs and wants elsewhere right? Then the doubts and demons creep their way back into your minds and all hell breaks loose. It’s a vicious circle that can really fuck with a person’s self confidence and the confidence they have in you and you in them. It can affect how a person sees themselves in the mirror, how they feel about their bodies, the way they feel in public. It can do so much good and so much damage all on how you desire each other….. Or lack there of.

Regardless, if you love your submissive (or Dom/Domme) make sure you show it. Not just in the hearts and flowers way, but in the lustful, thrusting, biting, kissing, sweaty, hot, ass slapping, throbbing, wet, hair pulling, nail scratching, screaming orgasm kind of way…..

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Wine and Dine.

Let’s take a break from the warrior mindset for a minute here….

Let’s talk romance.

So many men are afraid or uncertain about romance. Dominant or not. They’re perhaps intimidated by it. Master has once said He doesn’t “do” romance. I once dated a guy who told me all the romantic things he did for other women but not once did he do any of that for me. Many guys don’t know anything about it because it was once seen as weak or perhaps not “manly“. Whatever the reason it’s something I think every man – especially dominants- ought to be at least thinking about. Because here’s the deal. Real men watch girly shit with their women, and they don’t bitch about it. Because you know what? When you’re done watching that girly shit, your woman is happy. And what do happy women do? They take you to bed and fuck your brains out and feed you nachos afterwards.

True story.

Now in the BDSM world, especially those in a D/s or M/s or DD/lg or Master/Pet etc… type dynamics there are ways we show each other we care. For example: Master will brush my hair at night because he knows it relaxes me and it’s his way of showing he cares.  I get up early and get him coffee ready and make him breakfast to show that I care. Romance falls into that category I feel. It’s a way to show affection, appreciation and love. You don’t need to buy fancy items to show these things. Making sure Master is fed and taken care of is how I show all of them. Scratching his back at night till he sleeps, holding him close when his demons hit, kissing his forehead when he doesn’t feel well…. little things are what count best of all.

Granted Hollywood and Disney have ruined it for many men with the stupid and false expectations of what women visualize romance should be. Just like how Porn ruined it for women of what men expect in bed. However I feel that’s what makes BDSM so freaking awesome. We get these things; the best of both worlds. We get prince charming and they get the whore-next-door. because think of it this way ladies, When he gets laid and laid well, isn’t he the greatest afterwards?

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Ah yes the power of the vagina. But of course comes that wicked demon and false belief that in order for things to be peaceful in the home one HAS to put out every day. Not that it’s a bad thing if you do it (we do pretty much) but I hope that isn’t what everyone is after when they enter a D/s lifestyle. Again, I have to reiterate that BDSM isn’t focused on sex. It’s much deeper than that (no pun intended). You see, when Master and I have a scene, we are able to fulfill a need TOGETHER and with EACH OTHER at the same time. Think of the phrase,”To kill two birds with one stone”. And when both of our needs are met and fulfilled we are able to be on the same level of peace and able to go about our lives just fine because we took the time to care of each other. Many couples will agree when the other shows attention and affection, it helps settle the others mind and grant a feeling of being wanted. Everyone wants to be wanted. No denying that at all. Romance to me, is just that.

The way we go about it, however, is just a little different. There’s nothing wrong with a kiss and a romantic slap on the ass. She may want to make love on a bed filled with rose petals….. yknow after a good flogging. He may want an amazing blow job, yknow after he messaged her back. He may have the best sex of his life, after he relaxed in the bubble bath with her. Catch my drift? So Gentlemen, study up on romance. It doesn’t have to be an “everyday” thing. Don’t be mistaken. But it is appreciated when it happens. Surprises especially! For example: Last night Master and I had a wonderfully amazing dinner that I cooked (he helped with the manly steaks) of Meat, shrimp, salad and wine. I wanted the candles but we skipped them. Afterwards however, he took me by the hand and we slow danced in the living room, with dim lighting to the sounds of classic Billie Holiday. Granted, it would’ve very easily gone to pound town, however it didn’t. Doesn’t make it any less or any more romantic. The fact that he did that little thing for me made my heart and soul float on cloud 9. I slept so well because of that.

For Valentines Day, the day everyone hated, I woke up to my Master, who had just gotten home off duty with cute flowers and a box of chocolates that I could tell he just picked up on his way home from work at 1am. See? The thought that counts. I didn’t need diamonds or glitz. When he was away for a month for his other duties, he sent me flowers on a whim. I have left him little notes and stuffed things filled with my perfume when he goes out-of-town or away for training.

Little things show each other you care. Like bite marks do for me, it’s like a love note written in the flesh. My collar is that reminder that he cares. Everyday he’s with me and I wear him proudly around my neck. I am his and he is mine.

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As he sleeps…..



Does he know how much I care for him and for us? 

Does he feel me when I wrap my body around his.?

Can he hear my whispering prayers at night when I thank my blessings and ask for guidance to be a better submissive and woman as he deserves? 

Does he feel my lips gently kiss his beautiful face as I tell him,”Goodnight ‘Master, I love you.”?

Even though we sleep on a huge bed, and toss and turn all night, does he feel me reach for him with my feet or hands just so I can know he’s next to me when the nightmares hit? 

Does he sense my longing for him even when my skin is touching his? 

Can he hear my thoughts echo in the night when I remember all that we’ve been through and all that we have yet to endure? 

Does he wake up and know how much I hate myself when we fight but how much I’m willing to change and try because he’s worth every bit of effort? 

Does he still wish on the stars like I do? 

Can he still remember the very first night we spent together and feel the same all this time later?

As he sleeps, even right next to me……. I still look forward to seeing him in my dreams. 

Want and Need.

tumblr_n4fnaz2DFY1txd1dco1_500Lust and Love. Desire. Need and Want. So many descriptions of the passion we share together. For someone with a desire almost twice that of a “normal” female. My need to be wanted is almost constant and in return I want to be needed. So many who find themselves in the BDSM world often have these feelings, thoughts and emotions that are deeper than anything they’ve ever felt or experienced; It’s much more amplified. We feel more, we strive more, we desire more, we need more, we lust more, we want more, we crave more and we sure as hell enjoy fucking more 😉 But most importantly, we love so much more. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel there is any right or wrong way to live ones’ lives, But i’ve lived and loved both in a D/s dynamic and a “vanilla” marriage so this, of course, is based on personal experiences. I have always been an independent soul. I never cared who needed me or wanted me around because I never felt that I was wanted or needed by anyone. Not by my family or friends. I knew that when i’d leave or stay busy my phone would be silent and people would forget my existence until I appeared again. I was the type who did more than others ever did for me, but that’s just who I am in nature. It hurt don’t get me wrong to feel I was good enough to sleep with but never one to fall in love with. Eventually I gave up on fairy tale love. Then Master and I joined paths and here I am. There are times I don’t always feel that i’m wanted/needed, but it’s limited and I simply dismiss those thoughts into insecurities. When Master takes me in the middle of the night, or in the early morning hours or before we sleep, I can feel his need and desires throughout my body and not just by the marks he leaves on my skin that I adore. The way his fingertips both strongly grip and gently caress my skin. The way his lips cover every inch of my body, even the areas I hate to acknowledge. The way his legs intertwine with mine as we roll around passionately. The way his scent lingers on my skin hours after we’ve become one vessel for each other.

In return Dominants need and want in the same ways. Especially the ones who perhaps have that ‘lone wolf’ experiences. They need to be wanted too and want to be needed, otherwise why would they be a part of your life? It’s something I have to remind myself as well, especially when it comes to doing things for both myself and around the house. Master needs to know that he is a part of not only our dynamic as a whole but as a team. He needs to know that I want him to help me in many ways and need him to be apart of my life. Many feel that needs and wants are two different things, but they go so much in hand together. Much like D/s you cannot have one without the other.

Granted, with the TPE the power struggle is there and so very real to deal with and no dynamic is perfect. It takes YEARS and I do mean YEARS to find that balance and even then it has its slip ups. The key is not to give up on each other, however if it doesn’t work out to your ideals or dreams you cannot harbor anger or bitterness; Some things aren’t meant to be. I am not one of those subs who was lucky enough to find perfection right on the first shot. I have had my fair share of the wannabe-doms and online jerks. And Master well…. I’ll let him tell his own stories. We’re pretty fortunate and I count my blessings. Granted, there are days we have our slip ups and the foundations cave underneath us, but we fight for each other. Why? Because I need and want him and his needs and wants me in return. When two people have that part figured out, the rest is irrelevant.

D/s is like Jenga

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Master and I are about changing each other and learning from out pasts. Changing each other of course only for the better, not who we are as a person. For example: Master wants to learn how to budget better. I want to learn better organization skills. Both of us can help each other with those changes, but we have no intention of changing our underlying personalities. Make sense? Yesterday Master had a minor slip up (which happens) and I started to revert to my old ways of bringing up old shit, but I stopped myself. You cannot learn easily if old things are constantly brought up. What good does it do? We know we’ve made mistakes but to be reminded of them over and over only diminishes one’s self-esteem and hope of progress. So I didn’t remind him in a negative way I just let it go and reminded him of his plan and it was done. no arguing, no bitterness, no negativity and it really helped us progress forward without that feeling of trudging through mud or failure. I’m learning more and more how patience and understanding will help our dynamic and feel like we are there for each other. We are a team, yes I am a submissive to my owner and have no issues with that what so ever. However in order to lead one must follow and vice versa. There’s a phrase I’ve heard before and I believe it with all of my might…

“If my Master is lost, I’ll find him. I’ll lead him back to himself, because to serve doesn’t always mean to follow.” ― Joey W. Hill,

He needs me as much as I need him. The whole ideal came to mind many years ago when I began to figure out why my marriage didn’t work out. I knew deep down in my heart I needed someone in my life that would help me should I ever fail at something. Someone who would pick up any slack if I was not quite doing it all in one shot. Someone who would take care of things should I ever become ill, injured, or should work take over.Someone who would dust me off whenever I fell on my ass. Someone who will let me make mistakes to learn but never let me fail. Someone who’s going to take me by the face whenever I panic and take over just to give me that moment of clarity and peace. Someone who will have my back. Someone who will protect me without question. Someone who would be the strength if I didn’t have enough. Someone who would scream at me to run harder and faster any time I felt myself slowing down. For I know I would do the same for them. Basically I needed someone who would match my drive, my empathy, my love and my care. I’m slowly learning that My submission is not a gift I gave my Master. My submission is a gift He gave to me. It is not submission if I want to do it; submission is dropping my guard and doing things that push my boundaries. I do them not because I want to, but because I crave to make my Master happy. His gift of dominance is moulding me into the submissive I am and the pet I want to be.

So anytime you feel yourself wanting to go back in time and bring up old shit, do yourself the favor and go get a plunger for the toilet. That’s the only shit you should EVER be bringing up! Don’t tear each other down, build each other up. Dynamics/relationships are like the game of Jenga. You work together to build up and strong not work against each other only to watch that which you’ve created tumble-down.

Mrow…

I have felt like a whiney nagging sub lately. Master works hard. He’s stressed. He’s tired. He’s doing his best and sometimes feels like it’s not enough (when it is!) So what’s a sub to do? 

That’s right.

She puts on some red lipstick, does her make up, her hair, preps her body and wearing only a silk robe and fishnet thigh highs she becomes the meal he’s been hungry for. She allows him to drink her sight in, become stoned on her scent, his fingers explore all that he owns and yearns for and as a sign of reassurance to silence the demons he’s silently fought for so long she kisses his bare skin chest, marking him with her red lips.

Spoiling him has never felt so good. I’m so tired today and it’s a good tired. I feel renewed. Refreshed. No kinky fuckery involved, just pure erotic sensual passion for him. My “inner goddess(as the ’50 shades’ sub frenzy has coined) but I prefer the term huntress. Two predators, Two strong souls devouring each other, renewing the fires within each other and fanning the flames of desire, loyalty and inspiration once again. D/s or any type of relationship requires work from both sides. As long as he’s trying I won’t quit trying either. Why wouldn’t I want to be his sex kitten? I don’t understand how some women make it sound degrading, as if I have no self-respect. But then again to each their own, as long as his belly is full and his balls are empty I am content.