Question for my followers…..

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As submissives, we’re greedy. Let’s not kid ourselves, we’re greedy about what’s ours. As for a poly relationship, I cannot speak for them as i’m not Poly, either way I know from my standpoint we’re gonna protect what’s ours and that’s that. However, I know that often times we ought to appreciate our Domly Dom fellas (And Lady Dommes too!) Many things can help them see how much we appreciate all the things they do for us! Baths, body massages, cooking dinner, gifts, love notes, screaming orgasms…. etc. I love spoiling my Master. Whether in gifts, blow jobs, hot baths, whatever will make him feel like the King, I will do it. It brings me such joy to do so!

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So here’s the question to those who actually read & follow my blog: What do you do or have done for your Sir/Mistresses to show your appreciation and affection for them???

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We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto….

The curve ball has been thrown in our direction!! Fly ball out of left field!!!

To start, I was injured on duty (again…. Don’t know if i’ve mentioned this yet..) and because of it, I’m on short term disability. Basically, i’m stuck at home in a knee brace. Joy! (Insert sarcasm)

Secondly, Master has been dealing with an insane amount of stress. He has recently become THE man of his family, and not by choice. Because of this situation, and the responsibilities that go with it, many of which are out of his control; And let’s face it, no Dominant likes things that aren’t in his control. As His, I’ve made it my top priority to do what needs to be done and take care of him. Making sure he eats, the little details to be taken care of, making sure I drive so he can focus on other tasks….. Just like any pack or pride, when the Alpha Male is unable to perform his duties, the Alpha female doesn’t necessarily take over, but stands by his side to assure that things go one as best as possible. It’s been hard as often times he will shut down and I am left to guess, but I refused to give up.. still refuse (read that as present tense…)

Third, My last living grandfather passed away. That is a surreal reality to digest. I have no more grandfathers left. I have only one living grandmother and apparently she’s ready to kick the dust any day now. Seriously, she told me “i’m gonna die soon.” ……….kay grandma? I think? It’s odd to realize it. We’re all getting older. Our parents, our friends, our family… we’re all just getting to that age and the numbers are growing. I don’t like it one bit. But you can’t decide when or where you will go or what will happen. The funeral was incredibly stressful, as because it was with family I do not associate with. They’re the side I refuse to acknowledge or speak with. Master and I were there, and probably the only ones gunned up (yea it was that hostile) and what really confused me, was despite my sadness I was filled with anger and rage. How dare they treat me this way. My mother this way, she lost her dad too. What the hell. Some didn’t even bother to show up, instead they chose to drink and get high. Pathetic. I wanted to cry but there were more important matters to attend to.

Fourth,

ab3924ffed39b7f129fa5eb57cddb38dI’ll leave that there….

Fifth,

Because of all the changes listed above and then some, Master has become increasingly protective of me. I can’t describe how much I love and enjoy it. Not only is it a sexual turn on, but a comfort as well. It’s bringing mental peace to my demons and assisting in allowing me to let some recent renewed walls come down. I love my Master and love it when he embraces the part of himself I know he has. That confidence he has in himself reassures his role in our dynamic and reminded me when I forget 🙂 It’s a beautiful thing and incredibly desirable. Oh hormones, behave yourself 😉10446709_649743728492905_7884295055554658110_n

Security…..knowing that she is His

There’s that song everyone loves…

I know I do…

Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking out loud”


It’s a beautiful song, gives me warm fuzzies thinking of it. It’s a great lesson and one I think every couple should adhere to. Women… You see we are fickle creatures. We love knowing that the person who shares our lives with us, is preaching it loud and proud. We want someone to be happy that they’re with us, and not be afraid to say it. Little things here and there that say out loud to friends, family, Facebook world and co-workers, that their partner is just down right awesome and here’s why.

I do it for my Master all the time on both of our Facebook pages and just to everyone.

But that is me.

I am slowly learning however that not everything will be reciprocated and well you can’t expect others to always do for you as you would do for them. If so, you’re in for a big heartbreak the rest of your life.

The rain is falling and I’m just very tired lately. I want to sleep but cannot actually do so. I close my eyes, but I do not rest. I am feeling a bit out of place. I miss, but do not feel missed. Not everyday is bad, but it isn’t good either, it’s just another day. A blur, if you may of day to day survival. No routines aren’t helping, but the feeling of a mundane-ness of it is there.

I am just tired and perhaps tomorrow will be different. I push on and carry on because that is what good girls do.

But depression is a mother fucker. So here I am……

Collaring ceremonies.

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When my Master placed his collar on me, I didn’t have a big fancy ceremony. It was just the privacy of the two of us. Some have ceremonies, some do it in front of friends (or family) Either way, it’s a wonderful experience! The above link is to an article of a ceremony that I saw on a FB group i’m apart of. It’s something I think I would like should Master and I ever decide to have a formal ceremony…

Primal.

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If anything could be perfectly summed up in a photograph…. This would be it. This is how I look and feel, and how Master is overseeing things. My mother and his mother are worried. Hell, i’m worried. I haven’t been this ill since I was a child and i’m fortunate I don’t remember much of that. Today i’m tired. More things hurt. I am feeling just utterly exhausted and drained, but I refuse to be a lump on a log, so yes, I tried to go to work today, and yes Master said it wasn’t happening. I argued a little more than I did yesterday just because I am still not used to not doing my part. However, I quit arguing and did as I am told. I am honestly not in any shape to argue much, although I sure tried last night. This weekend was the beginning of the full moon and it’s odd how she manages to hold her sway. Perhaps it’s the full moon, perhaps it’s something else, but all day long I feel horrid and in the late evening for the night hours I begin to show an extreme amount of improvement and stamina. It’s weird. I feel more alive, more at ease, more alert, healthier and certainly able to breathe better.

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Primals across the world feel more in tuned with their primal nature due to this full moon. I’ve always felt different during certain phases of the moon, lunar eclipses, rings around the moon and of course blood on the moon. I’m slowly learning more and more the meaning of Primal and how much I embrace it, especially being ill. It is flesh on flesh, it’s the wild within all of us. The uncivilized part of who we are, where nothing exist but the fire of energy. Primal is our foundation of our basic instincts and our animal nature as we embrace our animal nature. Touching, smelling and being creative with our hands, mouth and body, it is the core of our souls. A Primal’s head space and mindset is more than an attitude of leaving the body and becoming a nonhuman shift into an animalistic being. It is love-making and play at the primal level of our true self. Primal Play, to me, is the release from being a modern human and to be in a privative state of mind where we let loose. It’s thinking and living without restraints as a human; without shame and to embrace our desires and operate on the basic instincts of our soul. It is expressing passion and sensual energy without restraints in our mind and body and most of all without fear. This is the place where our body and mind fine tune the most primitive self as we touch that place of letting go and just being in the moment. It is hot and sensual, and it will touch your inner nature of your true self, and you learn of a new way to be in touch with that hidden part of you. Primal is the raw, animalistic, wild, sexual and uncivilized part of who we are conditioned to be in our daily life. We are taught to ignore, pretend and hide this feeling inside of us and not to share this wild side to the outside world. This exists within all of us and the animal within us is calling us out. It is often a consciousness or space as an individual is connected to their animalistic, primal urges and thinking out of the box.

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Now there are roles within that title of Primal. Prey and Predator, just as it exists in the natural realm. I know of those who indulge in being prey and those who are predators. Neither is less than the other and vice versa. Just as in nature, both are a part of each other and apart of the delicate balance which the other is able to exist. Many say primal is just intuitive as the Druids or nodes or even pagans. I don’t know about all of that, to me, it’s more than those things, but they are all based on the basic belief of being in tune with the world around you, the air, water, the ground, the sun and the moon. In a dynamic we often harbor a pack or clan mentality, what that means to you i’ll let you decide. I know what it means to me and that goes right back to the Alpha Dominant taking care of his own. Mine certainly is doing the best he can. I am so very tired today and have been told to remain next to his side until further notice. To me, things like this disprove those horrible beliefs that BDSM and D/s lifestyle is just based on pure sexual energy and pure demand. Master and I aren’t fucking or flogging 24/7. He isn’t FORCING me, CONTROLLING me just to get his rocks off. He’s not telling me to be on my knees, kissing his boots while i’m doing my best not to sneeze all over him. There’s no Christan Grey douchebag telling me he’s going to fuck me and all that crap. No…. He’s here next to me, reading his book, my head rests on his lap. He pets my head gently as I drift off, while we listen to the storm roll in as the wind chimes and trees sing their songs with the wind. He is my Master, I am his submissive. If you don’t feel this way, perhaps it’s time to make the changes to do so….

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Taming the Lioness.

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There’s nothing more Dominant, than a Dominant who cares for his submissive. To those who have been following along, I am not improving as I had hoped. Granted, it’s only been a little over a week, but I am impatient and so is Master. The recent vomiting and other wonderful immune system dysfunctions have caused him continuous concern. I am not used to not pull my own weight when it comes to household finances. In fact, in my previous relationships and my Marriage I was pretty much the ONLY one really putting forth in the finance department. It’s something i’ve gotten very used to and i’m okay with. I’m fortunate to have a true partner with my Master. We always put forth as a team, partnership, 100%/100%. Pack mentality takes over and we both put forth an effort to keep our pack healthy and doing well. I am ill, I get that and it was today I was due to return to work, however Master pulled Alpha and said no. I am not where he wants me to be health wise and I am in no position to argue, even though I tried. Don’t get me wrong, I am stressing regarding finances, but for the first time in my life I am not that worried. It’s weird for me to say that, as if you’ve seen my writings a year ago, I was a walking lunatic overwhelmed with stress. Master is right and I am listening. I am being obedient and listening to my Owner who knows me better than anyone. I am not well, and in my line of work, if you are not on your game, people can get hurt. That is something i’m not willing to have on my conscience. So i’m home a little while longer and i’ll return to the doctor as soon as Monday.

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I won’t lie. It’s VERY hard for a submissive to fight all that she’s trained herself to do and who she is to allow another person to say,”Guess what, you’re going to do it my way and that’s that.” The lioness warrior in me and the Kitten in me are at odds with each other. They both agree they need to listen to their Alpha, however, I know I need to get back on my feet and the other says,”You’re ill. Fucking stop and take care of yourself.” I know it’s a silly conundrum but it happens. But because I just allowed my owner do what owners are supposed to do, it made things easier. Another “ah-ha” moment in D/s if you will, a Dominant is meant to take care of their submissives, and if they don’t, then why the hell would anyone want a person to be in charge of them? That’s like paying to see a doctor only to not receive an ounce of treatment? Sure, Master could have allowed me to go to work. Sure, he could have said we’d deal with things later. But, would that have been wise? I have to trust him and his words and for me to shut my stubborn side up, to me that is a big feat of my own. I am proud of that fact. And I am even more proud of him for taking my health and care as a priority (not like he doesn’t do that already – but i’m still proud regardless…). As his submissive, I encourage all other subs both of the newbies and the experienced, I encourage you all to always make sure you praise your Sir. Praise him for taking the moments to flog you when you need it, to love you when you don’t always need it. To make sure you are healthy, sane, safe, cared for and protected. To praise the Alpha who makes sure you are aware that you are still a strong and intelligent lioness perfectly capable of hunting her prey and fighting off the dangers that could threaten your pack, but that you allow him to take the role at the head of your Pack and that he will cherish that position you’ve allowed him in your life because he knows that was not an easy decision to make. We all carry our wounds with us as reminders of the struggles we’ve faced in our pasts. These scars are reminders of what we defeated and how the phoenix rose from the ashes of hell. We are that phoenix. Listening to your Sir does not make you any less of one. Remember that. I had to.

Enter the Second Trimester of Kink………….

“Wow! You really have embraced your spots!”

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That’s a phrase that has summed up my wonderful weekend with my community at Spring Pan. My journey continues to be a roller coaster moments, including the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. However, I have taken a moment to finally jot down the things I have felt or observed while at Pan….

Master and I were ‘newbies’ at leather fiesta last year, and it was very apparent as the flux of ‘new blood’ was also apparent this year. I could tell because of the expressions on their faces in the dungeon. Not all who enter could really grasp what it is that they’re getting themselves into. I know because some who came on Friday night didn’t return the following evening… And that’s okay. I think many need to experience first hand to really see if this is something they want or don’t want to get into.

And that is when it really hit me, how far I’ve come in my journey. Master and I do admit at the last major event we did have a bit of a frenzy and wanted to do all the things, this time we took our time and did what was within our abilities and mindset. Unfortunately, I was battling a strong case of what I thought was allergies (spawned into bronchitis..) but I pushed forward as best as I could. We didn’t attend as many classes as last time, and the ones we did attend were full! Being claustrophobic, Master understood when I asked to duck out half way through…..  We mingled more. Spent more time with our friends whom we dearly missed! Master splurged on such AMAZING goodies to include a dragon’s tail, a set of galley whips, a new flogger among other things. But this trip wasn’t just for our pleasure, no no no….

We had the blessings of paying it forward in many ways; One couple we’ve adored over time is dear to our hearts. Two kitties who’ve flocked to each other and we watch our owners, trade punishment ideas lol we were able to hang out with them and purchase them beautiful leather cuffs as a gift from us. Also Another beautiful soul in our community is becoming ill from an unknown disease and it literally broke my heart to see her in such agony. I literally cried, but her determination to not let anything hinder her, even when she played with her boi, just filled my heart with just joy. That eagerness to fulfill each other’s needs is part of why I am so dearly in love with this lifestyle. Master and I gave her a monetary donation towards funding her answers. These things we did was not because we wanted to flaunt ourselves, but because we are fortunate to be in a position to do so and I am a firm believer in paying it forward…. Why not send forth good fortune in this world?!

Now back to the dungeon, while thisyear it was more spacious, the crowd itself was much more in numbers. The mood was better Saturday night versus Friday, however again, I felt much more than before. I was used to being the few who used to be lead on leashes awhile back, now this time I saw it everywhere. I am on a leash in a large event not for a fashion or “how all subs should be” but because I have an anxiety disorder and large crowds make me lock up or tense. I don’t have my service dog with me at kink events (he would lose his shit if his momma was getting whipped) so Master has me on a leash as a sense of security and safety and to calm my demons should any females want to play Alpha tug of war with me. That’s another thing. I saw a wave of sub/dom frenzy. HOLY SHIT BALLS BATMAN did I ever! It was VERY apparent the FSOG frenzy was alive and well at this event as many of the Doms/Subs/whatever they were flocked and dived in feet first at the deep end of the kink pool. However, they must’ve not been told about common courtesy or common sense. Master told me this later on (thank heavens) but I guess while I was having a kitten moment with another kitten at the human size-pet area (three words: GIANT scratching post) I guess some sub felt it was okay to flirt with my Master….

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No. Nope. Negative Ghostrider…. That does not fly. In our world we show each other respect and those who are in dynamics/relationships even more respect! Being that of a primal I would’ve shown my Alpha side and taken her as a challenge and what do alpha’s do when challenged??? Yes. Could’ve gotten ugly or at least some of my fangs would’ve appeared. Regardless, I saw that many times over. Granted, it’s a common mistake any newbie makes, but this weekend I was on the other side of it and wow now I see why it’s so important to show common courtesy. Another thing I saw a lot of was disobedient subs. Holy hell. I have my tendencies, but some were just flat out disobedient! I could not believe how they could just behave in such a way, it was horrendous and made me just gawk in exasperation while I watched silently as I knelt next to my Master as I am supposed to do.

It was a fun event regardless, and I feel my Master and I are really coming into our own now. I am ready for us to take on that next step. We’ve both agreed that lately we aren’t happy with where are dynamic was plateaued at however we weren’t sure what our next step should be…. I think being surrounded by such amazing kinksters of our community help remind us and give us a shove in the direction we’d like to be. I know personally i’d like to get back on tasks and schedules once my stupid bronchitis clears. Dealing with her is no longer an issue, despite the demons the wench has left me with. It’s a slow process that which i’m overcoming little by little. I am looking forward to getting back to journaling regularly, working out regularly, having scenes as often as possible and just little subtle signs of dominance from my Master that keeps me in my place and in line.

A new phase and a new beginning is how I’m looking towards the start of this Summer…..

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